isnt that Beautiful???
the ring!!
wish i was there!!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
i hate technology
A i put the cd into the drive of my PC in my new college i am sure i was spotting a grin. after all i was accesing net after almost 2 weeks and i had a post ready to be posted for a loong time. and i was about to do it now. as the auto play window came i confidently clicked on the chapter 9 file
there i get 3 pages of small squares. i stared at it for a while and slowly realised it happend because of the way i saved it... the word on my laptop and this word were defenitely not on talking terms...n
who suffered?
me!!!!
i am so fed up of this . first of all couldnt post it earlier since my modem at home simply went on strike influenced, i suppose, by the political parties of Kerala and then i couldnt do it on my lap top itself coz it was not connected to the net and now i cant post the damned thing coz 'words' quarrel with each other.... why Gates uncle why? i mean he is so sweet to help but he has complicated the stuf by bringing in newer versions and encouraging squabbles between them.
this man (the guy in the foto) is so sweet to have expressed my thots so nicely. i am afraid few ppl are so understanding. i am getting annoyed coz of the pressures at my college already, and i hav prob with Vodafone who happily offered me national sms for 50 paise and local sms for 10 paise and is blissfully charging me 1.50 paise and 1 rupee respectively. when u call their happy to help customer care, they ask for 24 hours, 48 hours, then again 24 hours and when even that is over they refuse to help... they simply wouldnt connect me to their customer care service.
a friend decided to call me and that is a big thing because this particular friend always forgets to call me. but can we talk properly? no! why ? there is no network coverage.
wow!
where has technology landed us? if there were no such gadgets we would have happily lived without getting crazy when u encouter problems with it...
world would definitely have been a better place t o live in!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
hello!!!!
hi all my fan followers.... sorry for not posting for succh a loooong time... i wanted to but didnt have the adequate net connection
well. this is to let u know that i will be posting regularly and do keep checking my blog....
the next post is going to be about the 3 close friends in my life (also called മൂന്നു പെണ്ണുങ്ങള്)
not written by M T Vasudevan nair.... but myself
love u loots for reading ma blog
thulsi
well. this is to let u know that i will be posting regularly and do keep checking my blog....
the next post is going to be about the 3 close friends in my life (also called മൂന്നു പെണ്ണുങ്ങള്)
not written by M T Vasudevan nair.... but myself
love u loots for reading ma blog
thulsi
chapter 8
On windows
There are so many incidents in my life where I looked out through a window to see something which remain etched in my memory or someone looked at me through a window to remain in the same way glowing in my memory. To look through a window is a unique experience where the shape of the window will seem to restrict the view in that shape from a distance, but on closer inspection we will realize that it is the opening to the limitless world that lies beyond us beckoning us to get out and never ever get in…the world seen through a window is always a different outlook. There is something that prevents us from being with that which is outside the window, also that is the only way which shows what lies beyond.
Once I was sitting on a bus which was just leaving the bus stand and entering the main road. I was sitting in the side seat immediately in front of the door. I am talking about the private buses in Kerala. I had kept my hand on window sill of my window. I could see the colour of my sleeve through the corner of my eyes as I looked out. I was clouds and the sky… blue and white. I was in my ninth standard. It was in December and our school was celebrating Christmas that day…. The last day before Christmas holidays…
As the bus turned into the main road it had to slow down since some people had come up from the other side of the road to board the bus. The conductor who knew them as regular passangers, rang the bell and the bus stopped. I knew two of them very well. As they came walking towards the bus, one of them looked at me, I was already looking at him. He smiled at me, a soft smile, just a smile of recognition, or was it just that? I don’t know… I am not sure… I returned the smile, a happy smile...
My day that day was technically a very bad day coz I couldn’t find a dress to wear. Usually I wear uniform to school and hence there is no tension of what to wear… but that day was Christmas celelbration and we could wear colour dress. In the morning I had tried to wear a dress I really liked and had found that I was too large for it, I tried another one and found that the dress is too small for me…. In the same manner I had tried all the dress in my wardrobe and found out that I couldn’t fit into any of those. I think it would be useless to explain my distress, because it would be stating the obvious.
In the end I found a dress belonging to my sister which she had long abandoned since it was too big for her now. My sister is elder to me but is less than half my size. She had stopped wearing that salwar because a change in trend has made it necessary for her to wear dress that is tight fitting. But I could wear the salwar without breaking the latest trend, my sisters loose dress was tight fitting for me. That was the reason for my bad mood. I had to be satisfied with the old dress of my sister on that special day, when I had new dress in my wardrobe. But what fit me well yesterday wouldn’t suit me tomorrow. I would have become more fat.
What more is required to make me hate the day. And I had smiled a very happy smile at someone I knew, a smile that went out through the window and the smile that came in through the window. The smile was full and came straight from my heart. I had smiled that morning at someone with my full mind, little knowing that, that someone was going to change my life one day…years later…in ways I could never have fathomed. This is a dedication for that someone…
PS: and all these thoughts now because someone looked down from a window and saw me!!!
There are so many incidents in my life where I looked out through a window to see something which remain etched in my memory or someone looked at me through a window to remain in the same way glowing in my memory. To look through a window is a unique experience where the shape of the window will seem to restrict the view in that shape from a distance, but on closer inspection we will realize that it is the opening to the limitless world that lies beyond us beckoning us to get out and never ever get in…the world seen through a window is always a different outlook. There is something that prevents us from being with that which is outside the window, also that is the only way which shows what lies beyond.
Once I was sitting on a bus which was just leaving the bus stand and entering the main road. I was sitting in the side seat immediately in front of the door. I am talking about the private buses in Kerala. I had kept my hand on window sill of my window. I could see the colour of my sleeve through the corner of my eyes as I looked out. I was clouds and the sky… blue and white. I was in my ninth standard. It was in December and our school was celebrating Christmas that day…. The last day before Christmas holidays…
As the bus turned into the main road it had to slow down since some people had come up from the other side of the road to board the bus. The conductor who knew them as regular passangers, rang the bell and the bus stopped. I knew two of them very well. As they came walking towards the bus, one of them looked at me, I was already looking at him. He smiled at me, a soft smile, just a smile of recognition, or was it just that? I don’t know… I am not sure… I returned the smile, a happy smile...
My day that day was technically a very bad day coz I couldn’t find a dress to wear. Usually I wear uniform to school and hence there is no tension of what to wear… but that day was Christmas celelbration and we could wear colour dress. In the morning I had tried to wear a dress I really liked and had found that I was too large for it, I tried another one and found that the dress is too small for me…. In the same manner I had tried all the dress in my wardrobe and found out that I couldn’t fit into any of those. I think it would be useless to explain my distress, because it would be stating the obvious.
In the end I found a dress belonging to my sister which she had long abandoned since it was too big for her now. My sister is elder to me but is less than half my size. She had stopped wearing that salwar because a change in trend has made it necessary for her to wear dress that is tight fitting. But I could wear the salwar without breaking the latest trend, my sisters loose dress was tight fitting for me. That was the reason for my bad mood. I had to be satisfied with the old dress of my sister on that special day, when I had new dress in my wardrobe. But what fit me well yesterday wouldn’t suit me tomorrow. I would have become more fat.
What more is required to make me hate the day. And I had smiled a very happy smile at someone I knew, a smile that went out through the window and the smile that came in through the window. The smile was full and came straight from my heart. I had smiled that morning at someone with my full mind, little knowing that, that someone was going to change my life one day…years later…in ways I could never have fathomed. This is a dedication for that someone…
PS: and all these thoughts now because someone looked down from a window and saw me!!!
chapter 7
How did I forget to fall in love? Love had easily come to me… I don’t feel it anymore… I know I love my parents, I know I love my sister, I know I love my friends. But I don’t feel it anymore. But why ?
Love in all form is selfish. We like to love others because of the satisfaction we get when we love someone… there is a feeling which cant be explained, associated with the emotion of love. We like others to love us because of that feeling. It is a beautiful feeling to be in love. Selfishness in it doesn’t poison it. It is beautiful, fascinating and refreshing.
Here, the problem I have encountered is that though I know I love many people I can no longer feel it. I am failing to experience the joy of love.
I have fallen in love many times. Some of it was for moderately long periods as in almost one month. But there was one love which lasted for almost two years. The beauty of it all is that it was always one way. My lover never suspected me of loving him. So it was all very exciting. The little secret, deep in my heart which made me very special for myself, just for myself!!! I treasured it deep inside me. Why did it leave me all of a sudden? It is almost two years now since I fell in love. It startles me to believe it.
I don’t feel the love inside me, the compassion inside me, the pain in me, the anger in me, the disgust in me, the peace in me…the last two years I haven’t even written a single story, a single diary entry which reflects the true me… why?
Am I growing up?
If this is growing up I would definitely have preferred to be made a bonsai.
Love in all form is selfish. We like to love others because of the satisfaction we get when we love someone… there is a feeling which cant be explained, associated with the emotion of love. We like others to love us because of that feeling. It is a beautiful feeling to be in love. Selfishness in it doesn’t poison it. It is beautiful, fascinating and refreshing.
Here, the problem I have encountered is that though I know I love many people I can no longer feel it. I am failing to experience the joy of love.
I have fallen in love many times. Some of it was for moderately long periods as in almost one month. But there was one love which lasted for almost two years. The beauty of it all is that it was always one way. My lover never suspected me of loving him. So it was all very exciting. The little secret, deep in my heart which made me very special for myself, just for myself!!! I treasured it deep inside me. Why did it leave me all of a sudden? It is almost two years now since I fell in love. It startles me to believe it.
I don’t feel the love inside me, the compassion inside me, the pain in me, the anger in me, the disgust in me, the peace in me…the last two years I haven’t even written a single story, a single diary entry which reflects the true me… why?
Am I growing up?
If this is growing up I would definitely have preferred to be made a bonsai.
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