chapter 6

That last one was a very large posts entirely for my brother… He is lucky to have got that much space in my blog. As I told he is not at all like typical brothers and i would have certainly preferred more of the typical types. Very lucky I must call him… or is it because of my yearning for a brother…
I have always wanted to have brothers. I don’t have one…how much I would have liked to have one!!! I cant explain how much I want one. It is beyond words and the jealousy I feel when I see a brother and sister has always given me pain. I have always envied the love, sense of belongingness, possessiveness, protectiveness, rebukes quarrels, kicks, and everyother thing that comes with a brother. I don’t even know what exactly a brother is… I have never experienced it… haven’t I?
It is funny it happened today. My brother (not the one I talked about earlier, this one is from my father’s side- cousin of course) was telling me this morning, an incident. When I was interning in a news channel I had to go out a lot in the city(obviously) and everyday I could be found on the roads with a mic. There was no chance of meeting any one I know because this was very far away from my home and almost all my relatives and friends are in the same area. But it happened that so many people who knew me saw me and I didn’t even saw one of them, and none of them were close relatives or friends.

It so happened that during that time my brother got a call from an unknown number saying a girl from his family was seen running around the city with a mic of a channel and asking if she still worked there and many more things about her.( meaning me obviously! If you were the brilliant lot who understand things in a few seconds you would have realized as much in those few seconds and if you are the other lot who doesn’t realize the effective use of he/she/her/his then you would have welcomed this explanation with a hearty smile, an Ah! So that is who she is etc. And that explanation was exactly for the second lot) the call got cut then. My brother got so angry, he called the guy back and shouted abuses at him. The guy didn’t reveal himself. My brother knew a vigilance inspector and he told the inspector the guy was asking about me. The inspector told him he will take care of the guy, that he just had to give him the number. Luckily the guy called again and he happened to be a relative of my brother from the other side. He was simply playing a prank having spotted me with the channel crew.

My overwhelming happiness is unimaginable to all. What would my sister have done if she had got the call. She would have panicked and got so tensed and in the end I myself would have had to pacify her down. Nobody had ever done such things for me. I had tackled calls of unknown numbers alone and I had tackled all such nuisances alone and I believe I have done all that effectively. But I felt so proud to have known that a brother did a similar kind of thing for me. I have seen my friends giving the numbers of those guys who troubled them to their friends who are boys and I have often wondered why do they do it when they can easily tackle it themselves. But I was touched by the protectiveness my brother showed and though I wouldn’t have in the least bothered about the caller if I had known about it I somehow felt wonderful when he told me about it. I wouldn’t have wanted it from a friend. But I loved it from a brother. Even if I am sounding a bit like bollywood movies I don’t care because that’s how I felt. I am feeling a bit defensive may be because I wouldn’t have liked to accept that I had such emotions in me. And I felt so wonderful to be a sister of a brother today!!!

This is the post I had prepared yesterday night… I was so emotional yesterday… why? Is it because I quarreled with my dad yesterday…why is that I am losing control these days? I was alright when I was away from home . even when I had to face the most adverse of the situations I was calm, I was unbelievably calm and I have heard my friends complimenting me for that. But there is something in me that is unknown to me… I have never seen it before… some additions and subtractions in life… do I like it? NO I don’t like it… I want my old self to be back with me. Which is normal, me losing control at the slightest provocation or me dealing with adversities with calm… me speaking out loud about whatever I feel or me being reserved thinking twice before I speak. I don’t know… who can tell me? No one? Does that outburst in front of my dad mean I am going to my old self? Do I welcome that or not? I don’t know… because when I was in control of myself I felt strangely not myself. I was not being me… the control on my temper made me control all other emotions as well, my love my grief my empathy my sympathy everything. How did I forget to love. The number of crushes I had in my life is uncountable… nothing now… dry arid land….it had always given me happiness to think about my stupidity later on… once a model, sometimes a class mate, a neighbour, distant relatives, chance acquaintances, once even the smiling face on a calendar and even sreeshanth!!! Where are they all? That pain that excitement that foolishness and telling about it to others and laughing at myself… where did I loose it?
എന്റെ കരളില് വേദന എല്ലാ!!!
What have I lost? Why am I so infifferent? Why doesn’t I am being so so so not myself!!!

chapter 5 books and my brother

and thus my stay at my mom's house adhava my mom's sister's place started.... and i was 13 years old. in my 8th standard. my sister in 12th so i was in my teens and my sis in tens.. i mean tension wid d demands of 12... i was having a great tym....i mean it was not as strict as my home in the case of studies and all and i started spotting a loot of changes in me. i started being selective about the movies i watch. earlier i use to watch any kinda movie. but i started being selective in this respect much to the surprise of myself!!! the next change was i started watching news... asianet news... everyday... my grandmother will come to my aunt's place everyday in the evening and watch news and i started joining her. and to my utter disbelif i started to take an interest in politics. the names of those people who were uptil then unimportant old people were becoming familiar(i mean the politicians) and then there were a looot of books around me... at home too i had a loooot of books and i was often criticised for not reading them... i use to read yes!!! but when someone asked me if i had read a particular book my answer was invariably no... and i felt bad when i had to say no... so i didnt love the books at home... it seemedf to shout at me !!! READ READ READ READ!!!! and i DIDNT read!!!


but these books were differnt.. all of them were my brother's... and surprisingly those books never screamed at me! nor did the brother...


he didnt know to tell a story but he did! i mean he said stories in a way it should not be told... parts and bit of it simply to amuse me and i liked those books in the shelf because stories from those amused me.... i use to get startled to hear him laughing out loud reading a book and many a times i have removed those specs from his face when he fell asleep with a book in his hand and i have often stared at those book which made him laugh out...was he pretendfing it.. definitely not...for later in my life ... i mean even now i read those same books and laugh out loud.... that was not pretention... that was the magic of Mr P G Wodehouse.... thus my bro and his books were beginning to have a great impact on me... his books beckoned me which the books in my shelf simply refuses to doeven now. that is why i started buying books and have a shelf separately....

thus the brother though very different from conventional brothers and strictly not what i would have liked to have as a brother changed my life, though he was and is unaware of it.

i started reading ... from enid blyton it started and it sprouted wings and it flew far and wide and all of these affected me a loot.. not as in teaching me one one moral or good thinking in me... what i mean is it literally affected me. i dreamt about it, day dreamed about it and i started thinking about my characters only... i lives there life at times, taking the role of the hero sometimes, villain at other times and re enacted the whole story, changed its shape structure plot and changed all there lives.

one day, not exactly day it was an evening... i was having a notebook in my hand, pretending to study by walking the length of the courtyard.. i found many stalks of the flower bunch of the teak in the yard... i bend down and pickked one and simply carried it in myone hand.(the other hand obviously had the notebook if u guys forgot about it as i did) my brother was sitting in the sit out reading something perhaps a news paper... he cast a look at me and laughed.. he always did so... laughter first and then the reason(this is anotgher stry will tell you).. i asked what!? whis was a majpor fight that went on between us.... he always laughed at anything and everuthiong i said or did... i would ask him what and he always said he will tell me after he is done with his laugh, which infuruated me on evey such occasion without fail......i often resort to physical abuse.... i hit him punched him and always mimiked the police style kicked though never actually did it!!! then he would give his reason which would obviously make me more angry if that is possible and will again make me hit him... so that is that story, will elaborate on it if i remember more of it...

so where was i?


Ah yes... i was walking with a notebook and the stalk of teak flower and my brother laughed at me.

i asked what.. he said ' you remind me of young ladies of Russian novels who are impatiently waiting for the lover'

though there was not much reason to get angry i got angry as it was the right thing to do i suppose.. and we set of talking about russian novels then novels, novels i have read and i strted speaking about the hero of a malayalam novel i had last read. the name of the novel is Mayyazhi puzhayude theerangalil (മയ്യഴി പുഴയുടെ തീരങ്ങളില്‍)by M Mukundan and the hero - dasan... he had been in my minds for some time now and it irritated me to think about his deeds.. th way he let go of his life... and so on and so forth... my brother was looking quiet serious and he was silent throughout my monologue... then he said 'thulsi you dont have to take everything into your heart.....' he went on..... but i did not listen... that one sentence struck me...that was exactly i was doing all the time, every day , every minute, every second and even that very moment... and i had realised it for the first tym... i was not living my life... i was drinking in ignorance of reality blissfully and living that life which was nobody's

chapter 4

all of us werein the 4 different corners of the world , parents got transfer to two different places and so we were NOT orphaned. we were entrusted with my aunt, my mom's sister a sweet cutie pie. she and my mom's parents live in the same compound and hence i say with my grandparents and aunt though it is two different houses. i could write pages and pages about my stay there. it was... lemme call it....eventful!!!!

so as i said i was left to live with my relations. that is a loony grandfather who disliked me as much as he disliked my mother (his own daughter) and i too disliked him as much as he disliked me!!!! but he was kind of nice.... i mean he is old and everything and didn't have a smooth life himself and people are bound to become so i suppose. then there was this grandmother who disliked gandhiji and thinks it was good he expired not because any personal revenge but because of her dislike for lower caste and she blames Gandhi for their upliftment today. but she was a very good sort and liked us a lot though i thought she liked us grand children in the order of our appearance into the world. that is my brother first(aunt's son) then my own sister and then me. she had to suffer a lot as a child and that made her tough i suppose... because in spite of all adverse conditions and situations i have never seen her cry except for once which surprised me a lot and left a great impact upon me.
then my aunt... as i said a cutie pie.....she liked us all a looot... everytime she came to our home ven we were children she used to get one one diary milk for my sis and me and for every b'day she gets me and my sis new dress... like for her b'day and for my b'day both of us got dress irrespective of whose b'day it is... she also gives handsome vishu kaineettam (വിഷു കൈനീട്ടം)
then there was my cousin, the brother i was talking about earlier. i don't remember what outlook i had about him when i went there coz he was one person for whom i never had a constant opinion for a looong time... so i dont remember... bu ti had nothing much against him and kind of liked him too i am sure...
and so all in all i knew i was going to enjoy my stay there...
did i suspect more than that was going to happen?
definitely not!!!

chapter 3

Once upon a time there lived a girl who had a friend...a close friend...a best friend...a bestest friend...how much she enjoyed the friendship she could never tell anyone...this bestest friend was her secret keeper and the friend trusted her with many things too. the bestest friend had absolute faith in her faith and that is why her friend asked her to do it... and she did it too... and the bestest friend believed it was all because of her faith...and she didnt know wat to believe....but bothof them were happy...

days went by and something happened which shouldnt have happened.........

the girl did not call her bestest friend and the bestest friend did not call her...the bestest friend did not meet her and the girl did not meet hte bestest friend... days went by...weeks went by... months and years went by...she didnt forget about her bestest friend but she thought of her bestest friend and she always felt a pang of pain whenver she thouight about her bestest friend...the bestest friend had become ex best friend...and she thought she didnt have a best friend...and then they saw, they met they talked...accidently...but somehting was not right...the girl hid behind her book...her bestest ex best friend hid behind a phone... it took so loong for her to realise how foolish she was...

then they talked

this tym der was no book or phone...they wondered wat had happened to them...the bestest friend called it ego, the girl didnt know wat to call it... the bestest friend requested her to do something...the girl had faith in her own faith by now...she did it happily but as the days went by as the need for the faith in faith was about to end she couldnt see ahead...history was repeating itself...this too shall pass!!!

Once upon a timwe there lived a girl who had a friend...a close friend...a best firnd...a bestest friend..

Yes ONCE UPON A TIME