Chapter 16- The Pessimist

It is all very well to say 'I know nothing good is going to happen to me' or 'I am for sure going to flunk this exam' and so on. But how much of your pessimism do you really want to come true? Or do you want your pessimism to come true just because that is what is you though would come true? What i mean is, if you think that you are going to fail a certain exam and have told some of your friends that you would fail, would you wish to fail?
Imagine that you have not prepared for a class and your friend says 'hopefully she (the teacher) will be absent today' and you say 'i am sure she will be here today because i am not prepared' who would you want to be right?

How much of your pessimism would you want to come true indeed!

I know many a time when I am stubbornly pessimistic about something and pray 24 hours a day to let it not happen. I don't understand the point of being pessimistic then! If you do not want something to happen why do you think it will happen? You might as well think it optimistically and get the peace of mind that pessimism denies you.

But is it possible to be not pessimistic? I guess so! But definitely not by attending those confidence developing course or leadership course or something. It has to be something that we ourselves realise. Or you would say 'how true' when you attend those sessions and then forget all about it. A careful examination of our own thoughts will help you realise how easy it is to get rid of your pessimism.

You dont want it to happen. You infact strongly resist it. Just think for a while. Arent you wasting your time contemplating something you dont want to happen and then hopping for it to not happen?

chapter 14 - Waiting for Noah's Boat

"The world is going to end"
"Yeah right"
"You dont understand... look at all those signs around you, arent they all shouting the same thing... isnt it so obvious? You are so myopic, that is why you dont understand it"
"I see"
"You just shut up ok... just because you dont understand what is going on around you, dont you try to underestimate my findings"
"Dont worry, you'll pass your exam"
"No, everyone is failing in this world. Nothing good is happening here"
"Yeah right!"
"Firstly the recession; everyone lost their job. They dont get new jobs and everything is going haywire, now everyone is confined to their own homes because of Swine Flu, everyone is scared of everyone else. Today some of my seniors got their results. Out of 134 people who appeared for the exam only 2 passed. What do you think about that. It is all going to end. Nothing is gonna work out in the world anymore. What do you think i will do even if i pass my exam? Nothing... it is time we got ready for Noah's boat or worse for the flood to take us away!"
"Yeah i know of that. But we believe at the end of every yuga a huge flood or possibly a tsunami is going to come and wash us all away and then krishna will come in aalila(banyan tree leaf) and thus ends the yuga... may be kalyug is going to end. Kalki might be coming to kill all bad people and thus end the world"

This conversation took place yesterday. The prophesy about the world ending was given by my friend and the indifferent voice is mine.
Though I was indifferent at the time he said that(or rather I was indifferent because he said that) I have given so much of thought to what he said. It is fascinating to just look around and see what is happening around you.

Drought, Swine Flu, Terrorism, Fight Over Oil, War, Poverty, Suicide, Unemployment, Death, Destruction.

When terrorists held our country hostage for over 2 days i said to myself - 'kalyug'
When recession hit the world and i saw well qualified professionals being kicked out of their jobs, I said to myself - 'kalyug'
When I counted to myself people dying one by one and as the death toll due to swine increased, I said to myself - 'kalyug'
When I saw hospitals overflowing with masked people trying to confirm they are not suffering from swine flu I said to myself - 'Kalyug'
When I saw the anchors of TV channels scream 'Do Not Panic' with face full of panic I was too fed up to say 'Kalyug'
How do I know it is not the end? How do I know kalki is not operating this entire drama behind the screens and laughing at us for being what we are...

It is not scary it is fascinating...

May be it is all going to end pretty soon...
What will I like to do before it ends?
No No No... its too personal to be revealed here...
It is fascinating to know death and destruction awaits us at the next bend...

fascinating it is...

chapter 13 Last Week

my past week can be represented by some words and phrases i heard. it is embedded in my brains that i can recollect it easily. please read it and let me know what u think my week was like



are u mad at me, straight from the heart, BULL SHIT, so cute, 9th best friend, GET OUT, i killed 5 terrorists, SO WHAT, dead line is 9 am, happy friendship day,basic errors, what is news?, we are late, the pics were cute but the best were those lines, you will be fined heavily, love you, hey i got u back, after a Long time, i miss u, school master stuff, deadlines are sacrosanct

chapter 12 the lost childhood

Some changes around us happen so quietly and gradually that we barely take note of them. It might take us a really long time to notice such changes. They wouldn’t be matters that concern us everyday. But still we would have got so used to them unknowingly that one fine day when you notice finally that the irreversible change has occurred already it would be too late to do something about it. We will start blaming ourselves for the neglect, for taking it for granted for allowing it to take place without even a slight protest from our side. But some other times it will simply leave a scar on our hearts to remain raw throughout our lives.

When I was a kid I never enjoyed studying and always looked for a reason to get up from my study table. I always came up with good number of excuses to shirk. It used to range from something interesting that happened in my class which I want to share with my mother, to drink water or to ask a doubt or mosquitoes biting me or even pains and aches all over my body. One friend of mine who use to give me an excellent excuse every year without fail was fireflies. After summer when we are awaiting rainfalls, this friend of mine would come in thousands and help me escape my text books. Many a time I have looked out of a window and seen brown coloured something rising up in the air and coming out of the earth and felt a surging happiness inside me. I knew exactly what is to be done. It was the fire flies coming out of the earth to live the few seconds of life they are destined to live. All of us would rush around the house closing the windows and doors to avoid the insects coming in. but it would find its way invariably through air holes and start haunting all the lights in our house. then we would switch off all the lights in the house and switch on the lights outside our house so that they would all fly out of my house. and once we switch off the lights i need not study right? but as short lived as they are it would take only minutes for all of them to die leaving us in a eerie silence, for they have a characteristic sound of their own when they come in search of lights. how many times, as a little kid, i have wondered where it is coming from wondering whether they live in underground homes and even searching for them in the mud by digging soil with little twigs, and in the process discovering doodle bug but never the house of fireflies. it is all part of my childhood that i never really bothered about but gives me immense pleasure to simply think about now. the innocent me, the little me, the child in me...

but where are the fire flies now? i havent seen them for years now. is it extinct/ have the changes in soil, environment and even climate made it impossible for them to live in this place? are thay extinct? has a part of my childhood become a distant memory that i would never experienceit again to relive the innocence of a lost chilhood?