chapter 7

How did I forget to fall in love? Love had easily come to me… I don’t feel it anymore… I know I love my parents, I know I love my sister, I know I love my friends. But I don’t feel it anymore. But why ?
Love in all form is selfish. We like to love others because of the satisfaction we get when we love someone… there is a feeling which cant be explained, associated with the emotion of love. We like others to love us because of that feeling. It is a beautiful feeling to be in love. Selfishness in it doesn’t poison it. It is beautiful, fascinating and refreshing.
Here, the problem I have encountered is that though I know I love many people I can no longer feel it. I am failing to experience the joy of love.
I have fallen in love many times. Some of it was for moderately long periods as in almost one month. But there was one love which lasted for almost two years. The beauty of it all is that it was always one way. My lover never suspected me of loving him. So it was all very exciting. The little secret, deep in my heart which made me very special for myself, just for myself!!! I treasured it deep inside me. Why did it leave me all of a sudden? It is almost two years now since I fell in love. It startles me to believe it.
I don’t feel the love inside me, the compassion inside me, the pain in me, the anger in me, the disgust in me, the peace in me…the last two years I haven’t even written a single story, a single diary entry which reflects the true me… why?

Am I growing up?
If this is growing up I would definitely have preferred to be made a bonsai.